Next week will be a new beginning for me. It could be a new beginning in one of 2 directions - With the man I love and adore, or on my own, finding a new direction to my life.
I have been waiting for this day for 2 1/2 years now, and am excited, and a little nervous, about what this new beginning will bring to my life. For most of that time I had hoped that it would be the beginning of my life with someone who I knew cared very deeply about me and I for him. Unfortunately, the past several months we have each had doubts at times, and because of those doubts, and time apart of course, we are definitely not the same 2 people that we were 2 years ago. So we shall see what happens with us...
If nothing else, at least our relationship ended up helping a lot of other people, and gave both of us life lessons that we will never forget :)
Here's to a new beginning!
"Happiness is a journey, not a destination; happiness is to be found along the way not at the end of the road, for then the journey is over and it's too late. The time for happiness is today not tomorrow." ~ Quoted by Paul H Dunn
Friday, January 9, 2015
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Ponderings at the Close of the Year...
Today is a big day - It's the last day of school of my 2nd year teaching, and 1st year at Davis High. It's been an interesting year (or 2), and although I'm THRILLED that it's over (sorry, it's been a bit of a stressful year, between teaching, getting my Masters, and constantly coaching basketball), our faculty luncheon today has got me thinking...
At the end of year faculty luncheons, we do our goodbyes to those who are retiring or moving on. Because it is Davis' Centennial year, there are several "teaching giants" that have finally decided to "ring their bell." The interesting thing about this process is that these teachers are not just co-workers, or people that I have seen in the halls over the past year. They are people whose classrooms I sat in during high school, and almost more importantly, heard my friends talk about. Pam Coburn was a teacher that I was told I ABSOLUTELY HAD to take AP Psychology from. So I did, and her coffee breath right in my face has stayed with me all these years - But so has her passion and love for the subject she taught. Although psychology was never my favorite subject, I learned enough to earn a 4 on the AP test, and more importantly, I learned how a great teacher teaches - With passion and love for the students.
The tributes and words spoken by others today about Gary Taylor, Dave Miller, along with the others, have left me thinking - What am I bringing my own students? These "giants" are all AP teachers, and have years and years of statistics that tell them what great teachers they are. I, however, am on the low end of the totem pole, which I prefer, and as I thought about what my students say about me, I wondered... When they talk about how hard I am, is that a bad thing? Then I had a thought enter my head, which I looked up online but couldn't find so I guess I'll take it as my own... It was, "I don't have high expectations because I want to see you fail. I have high expectations because I want to see you soar." I don't know that there is anything that could describe how I feel about my students better than this.
It has been a struggle of a year, especially the last month or so, but I'm so grateful for all of the many wonderful blessings that my Heavenly Father has given me. My students are often at the forefront of my mind, as I constantly am wondering what I can do better to help get them more engaged or understanding a concept better. I know I can always do better, but I hope they know how much I care about their success - And how INCREDIBLY thrilled I get when I get to watch them succeed at the level that they want to.
Not only did I have students and TAs come in to have me sign their yearbooks today, but my basketball players came in and we got to enjoy a couple of minutes together. I cannot describe how much love I have for these girls. I love and have high expectations for my students, but my basketball girls, past and present, are literally the ones who have gotten me through almost all of my trials in life, without even knowing it. I know I can be a hard coach, saying things to them that they don't like to hear, but it's because I want to see them come together as the team that I know they have the potential for. I want to see them soar! And there is nothing that makes me happier than seeing those improvements and confidence boosts that raise them a little higher to that soaring level.
So, will I ever have AP test scores and thousands of kids proclaiming their love for math because of me like those retiring today? Most likely not. But I hope I will touch at least a couple of lives for the better, the way that others in the education and basketball industries have touched my own.
At the end of year faculty luncheons, we do our goodbyes to those who are retiring or moving on. Because it is Davis' Centennial year, there are several "teaching giants" that have finally decided to "ring their bell." The interesting thing about this process is that these teachers are not just co-workers, or people that I have seen in the halls over the past year. They are people whose classrooms I sat in during high school, and almost more importantly, heard my friends talk about. Pam Coburn was a teacher that I was told I ABSOLUTELY HAD to take AP Psychology from. So I did, and her coffee breath right in my face has stayed with me all these years - But so has her passion and love for the subject she taught. Although psychology was never my favorite subject, I learned enough to earn a 4 on the AP test, and more importantly, I learned how a great teacher teaches - With passion and love for the students.
The tributes and words spoken by others today about Gary Taylor, Dave Miller, along with the others, have left me thinking - What am I bringing my own students? These "giants" are all AP teachers, and have years and years of statistics that tell them what great teachers they are. I, however, am on the low end of the totem pole, which I prefer, and as I thought about what my students say about me, I wondered... When they talk about how hard I am, is that a bad thing? Then I had a thought enter my head, which I looked up online but couldn't find so I guess I'll take it as my own... It was, "I don't have high expectations because I want to see you fail. I have high expectations because I want to see you soar." I don't know that there is anything that could describe how I feel about my students better than this.
It has been a struggle of a year, especially the last month or so, but I'm so grateful for all of the many wonderful blessings that my Heavenly Father has given me. My students are often at the forefront of my mind, as I constantly am wondering what I can do better to help get them more engaged or understanding a concept better. I know I can always do better, but I hope they know how much I care about their success - And how INCREDIBLY thrilled I get when I get to watch them succeed at the level that they want to.
Not only did I have students and TAs come in to have me sign their yearbooks today, but my basketball players came in and we got to enjoy a couple of minutes together. I cannot describe how much love I have for these girls. I love and have high expectations for my students, but my basketball girls, past and present, are literally the ones who have gotten me through almost all of my trials in life, without even knowing it. I know I can be a hard coach, saying things to them that they don't like to hear, but it's because I want to see them come together as the team that I know they have the potential for. I want to see them soar! And there is nothing that makes me happier than seeing those improvements and confidence boosts that raise them a little higher to that soaring level.
So, will I ever have AP test scores and thousands of kids proclaiming their love for math because of me like those retiring today? Most likely not. But I hope I will touch at least a couple of lives for the better, the way that others in the education and basketball industries have touched my own.
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Random Thoughts
So I don't really write on here much (obviously), but I'm having a bit of a moment, so here are my thoughts ...
God has a plan for me. Has this plan fulfilled my expectations? Ha, nope, not at all. But I know that it's right. Even on nights like tonight, where I just wish my man was here to put his arms around me, squeeze me tight, make me smile so wide that I felt like my face couldn't handle it, and tell me that everything is going to be just fine. But then I remember that I am a woman... A STRONG woman. A strong woman with God and my Savior at my side. And I don't NEED Mark here to do all of those temporal things because we do not have a temporal relationship. We have a spiritual relationship with God above us, and through Him and my Savior's atoning sacrifice, all the hurt and pain and bitter loneliness that I feel will be wiped free. Mark and I will be together again in just ten more months... Time has flown, and it will continue to fly, as we keep God at the center of our relationship.
Never give in to the awful temptations of the adversary. Do NOT become his. Always LOOK UP instead :)
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
Grateful This Christmas Season
It's Christmas today, and there are many things to be grateful for... It's the celebration of Christ's birth, I don't have to teach for 10 days, I don't have any Master's homework for 2 weeks, there's a tiny break in basketball that gives me a few days to literally do WHATEVER I WANT!!! I'm together with my family, I get to think of fun presents to give to my family members (my mom's present is my favorite... I can't wait for her to open it!!!), my extended family is loud and so much fun... It's definitely a fun time of year. But this year there is even more...
My youngest brother has been on a mission in Uruguay for the last 2 years, and he's coming home this Saturday. I put up a rough front about waiting for him, but we'll be celebrating Christmas next Monday after he's come home and we've had a chance to get through his homecoming and such. I'm extremely grateful for him to finally be coming home... It feels like he's been gone for FOREVER!!! It will be fun to have the family all together again.
However, this holiday season is also another mark (haha, no pun intended) for a special missionary in my life... Mark has been gone for almost a year (January 16...)!!!!!! It's funny... I get in the swing of life, and everything just goes "normally" - thinking about Mark at night, and sometimes during the day, but just kinda trying to stay on top of everything else throughout the rest of the day keeps me preoccupied. THEN there are days like today (well, there's really just 2 times a year like today, but ya know what I mean...) - I got to see Mark, I got to hear his voice, I got to tell him that I love him and hear him say it to me. I got to watch his mom cry because of how proud she is, and was actually quite surprised by my lack of emotion. And then I left the house.
It's funny how things change when you're by yourself and you can think and feel without anyone else around to make you feel "judged" or self conscious. Not that anyone in Mark's family would've made me feel that way (well, maybe Bret, but I really don't care that much what he thinks :P), it's just my built-in being... It's who I am. I DO NOT show the crying kind of emotion around anyone - I save that for when I'm by myself. And today was no exception.
I drove away, and instantly the loneliness set in. The feelings of inadequacy, the fear of getting hurt or being the one to cause hurt - It's all incredibly real when the person you love the most in this world is away from you for long enough, even when he's telling you that you mean the world to him in his weekly emails. Sometimes I hate being a girl, and it's times like these that I REALLY do. I drove to a special place where we liked to go to be alone and talk, and just listened over and over to my new favorite "Mark" song, Katy Perry's "Unconditionally" - It's great for anyone needing a love song :) I was feeling very picked on and "poor me" as I headed to a family party. Luckily, where family is and where there is time to not be alone, there also can help for stupid feelings be found. And I found it.
Between arriving and driving home, I realized what I had figured out this last spring... That I'm going to be a lot happier if I do something nice for someone else every time I start to feel sorry for myself. I came home and went to work. I still miss Mark - That will NEVER change, I swear - but what happens and is the great thing is that, at least for a few hours, I stop feeling sorry for myself. And I feel like that's what service is all about... Getting over yourself. Because guess what, it's not always about me, or you, or any of the crappiness that's going on in our lives. It's about figuring out how we can help those around us. I'm the first to admit that I'm not the greatest at this special gift from God, but I'm trying to be better, and Mark serving his mission only forces me to work harder at this gift.
So as I said... There are many things to be thankful for this holiday season, and although I am sincerely grateful for all of them, I am most grateful for Mark and what this time apart is teaching me. I've always figured I'm a pretty patient person, but God keeps showing me that I'm not. But alas, Mark is just about 2 1/2 minutes down, 2 1/2 minutes to go. I can do it, with God and Christ and a lot of family at my side!
Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!
My youngest brother has been on a mission in Uruguay for the last 2 years, and he's coming home this Saturday. I put up a rough front about waiting for him, but we'll be celebrating Christmas next Monday after he's come home and we've had a chance to get through his homecoming and such. I'm extremely grateful for him to finally be coming home... It feels like he's been gone for FOREVER!!! It will be fun to have the family all together again.
However, this holiday season is also another mark (haha, no pun intended) for a special missionary in my life... Mark has been gone for almost a year (January 16...)!!!!!! It's funny... I get in the swing of life, and everything just goes "normally" - thinking about Mark at night, and sometimes during the day, but just kinda trying to stay on top of everything else throughout the rest of the day keeps me preoccupied. THEN there are days like today (well, there's really just 2 times a year like today, but ya know what I mean...) - I got to see Mark, I got to hear his voice, I got to tell him that I love him and hear him say it to me. I got to watch his mom cry because of how proud she is, and was actually quite surprised by my lack of emotion. And then I left the house.
It's funny how things change when you're by yourself and you can think and feel without anyone else around to make you feel "judged" or self conscious. Not that anyone in Mark's family would've made me feel that way (well, maybe Bret, but I really don't care that much what he thinks :P), it's just my built-in being... It's who I am. I DO NOT show the crying kind of emotion around anyone - I save that for when I'm by myself. And today was no exception.
I drove away, and instantly the loneliness set in. The feelings of inadequacy, the fear of getting hurt or being the one to cause hurt - It's all incredibly real when the person you love the most in this world is away from you for long enough, even when he's telling you that you mean the world to him in his weekly emails. Sometimes I hate being a girl, and it's times like these that I REALLY do. I drove to a special place where we liked to go to be alone and talk, and just listened over and over to my new favorite "Mark" song, Katy Perry's "Unconditionally" - It's great for anyone needing a love song :) I was feeling very picked on and "poor me" as I headed to a family party. Luckily, where family is and where there is time to not be alone, there also can help for stupid feelings be found. And I found it.
Between arriving and driving home, I realized what I had figured out this last spring... That I'm going to be a lot happier if I do something nice for someone else every time I start to feel sorry for myself. I came home and went to work. I still miss Mark - That will NEVER change, I swear - but what happens and is the great thing is that, at least for a few hours, I stop feeling sorry for myself. And I feel like that's what service is all about... Getting over yourself. Because guess what, it's not always about me, or you, or any of the crappiness that's going on in our lives. It's about figuring out how we can help those around us. I'm the first to admit that I'm not the greatest at this special gift from God, but I'm trying to be better, and Mark serving his mission only forces me to work harder at this gift.
So as I said... There are many things to be thankful for this holiday season, and although I am sincerely grateful for all of them, I am most grateful for Mark and what this time apart is teaching me. I've always figured I'm a pretty patient person, but God keeps showing me that I'm not. But alas, Mark is just about 2 1/2 minutes down, 2 1/2 minutes to go. I can do it, with God and Christ and a lot of family at my side!
Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!
Friday, July 12, 2013
One year... Woot Woot!
A year ago yesterday was the beginning of an amazing journey. It was full of decisions (some small, then others quite a bit bigger), started as attraction and intrigue that turned into love, and continued with sacrifice, praying that the future would only be brighter if we followed His Will. A year ago yesterday was my first date with Mark.
It's been nearly 6 months since Mark left on his mission, and I can honestly say that it's probably been the hardest 6 months of my life. Luckily, I've made good friends and found enough things to keep me busy in order to help the time pass quicker. As time has passed, I've also seen the blessings that have come from the sacrifice that Mark and I have made to be apart for 2 years. His example has helped me immensely in striving to improve myself to be the best that I can be while he's gone, and hopefully that will only continue once he comes home.
I was out running yesterday, and this song came on. I've never noticed it before, I just enjoy running to Yellowcard because their songs are so upbeat. I sort of listened as I was running, but once it was over I repeated it... then repeated it again... then ran faster as I kept repeating it. It seemed like the perfect song to celebrate this momentous day (I've never been in a relationship longer than... What, 3 months was the longest? Of course we were each out of the country for most of that, so I don't really count it as that long...).
Mark... This one is for you! I'm proud beyond belief of everything you have and will accomplish! Aku mencintai kamu, Kekasihku!
I was out running yesterday, and this song came on. I've never noticed it before, I just enjoy running to Yellowcard because their songs are so upbeat. I sort of listened as I was running, but once it was over I repeated it... then repeated it again... then ran faster as I kept repeating it. It seemed like the perfect song to celebrate this momentous day (I've never been in a relationship longer than... What, 3 months was the longest? Of course we were each out of the country for most of that, so I don't really count it as that long...).
Mark... This one is for you! I'm proud beyond belief of everything you have and will accomplish! Aku mencintai kamu, Kekasihku!
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
1 year older and... Wiser?
I'm back! Don't be too excited. Well, ok, you can be. I know my posts are so well written that people have been wondering for almost a year what I chose to do with my life! Let's sum it up in a quick sentence...
I decided Texas wasn't for me, got a call that same day for an interview at Central Davis Jr High the next day, got the job, accepted it (they said I could stay on at Davis High... So nice!), hung around for a month trying to have fun, planned a trip to Puerto Rico, met the man of my dreams, started teaching, started coaching, and now the man of my dreams has left for 24 months. That last one is pretty bitter-sweet. The man of my dreams has left me for a short season to serve God. Don't worry, he did it with my (strong) encouragement. But who thought it would be as hard as it's been? Not me. But I think of the end result, and I know it's what we were supposed to do.
I'm so proud of Elder Wahlen and what he is doing! He is truly of the elect of the Lord, and I have been privileged to become apart of his life. Anyone who knows Mark knows what kind of missionary he is, and the kinds of influences he'll have on those he serves because they have experienced it themselves. Georgia is lucky to have him!
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Texas vs. Utah
I got a call on Friday from the HR guy from the Ector County District in Texas (the Odessa/Midland area) telling me that he was going to send me a Letter of Intent for me to come teach and coach in his district. It was the answer to a lot of prayers that I've been saying lately ... But then I got to thinking, is that really where I'm supposed to be?
I thought that going to Texas would be a great experience for me, especially since I'm still young and have nothing really holding me back here in Utah. Texas pays teachers about $12,000 more per year, and they pay coaches over twice as much as Utah. I really don't know why I have this sudden interest in Texas, I only know that when I talked to the 2 HR people from this district, I felt completely comfortable, and got really excited at the thought of going somewhere new to experience life outside of my comfort zone.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnd now it's 2 months later, and I'm finding that this opportunity has a lot of negatives to it. Odessa is REALLY far from my family and friends. All the effort that I've been putting into the basketball team at Davis High will almost feel all for nothing if I'm not there to celebrate with my girls. Connections that I've made in the Davis School District, South Davis Rec Center, and other places/people in Utah won't do me much good clear down in Texas. Who knows how many single LDS people will be in Odessa ... Since I WOULD like to get married eventually.
But on the flip side, I can meet new people and make new connections down in Odessa, I can make more money doing what I love, I can have a great new experience in a place that not many people have been, and I have the possibility of finding a Texas cowboy :P haha.
I really have no idea what I'm going to do yet ... I'll be fasting and praying a lot this month, and I know Heavenly Father will help me know what road will be the best one for me, but of course I'm still stressing and freaking out about making sure that what I do really is what Heavenly Father wants me to do. So, now I'm asking for your opinion ... Give me any of your yays or nays for why I should go to Texas or why I should stay home so that I can add them to my growing lists :)
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