Grateful This Christmas Season

It's Christmas today, and there are many things to be grateful for... It's the celebration of Christ's birth, I don't have to teach for 10 days, I don't have any Master's homework for 2 weeks, there's a tiny break in basketball that gives me a few days to literally do WHATEVER I WANT!!! I'm together with my family, I get to think of fun presents to give to my family members (my mom's present is my favorite... I can't wait for her to open it!!!), my extended family is loud and so much fun... It's definitely a fun time of year. But this year there is even more...

My youngest brother has been on a mission in Uruguay for the last 2 years, and he's coming home this Saturday. I put up a rough front about waiting for him, but we'll be celebrating Christmas next Monday after he's come home and we've had a chance to get through his homecoming and such. I'm extremely grateful for him to finally be coming home... It feels like he's been gone for FOREVER!!! It will be fun to have the family all together again.

However, this holiday season is also another mark (haha, no pun intended) for a special missionary in my life... Mark has been gone for almost a year (January 16...)!!!!!! It's funny... I get in the swing of life, and everything just goes "normally" - thinking about Mark at night, and sometimes during the day, but just kinda trying to stay on top of everything else throughout the rest of the day keeps me preoccupied. THEN there are days like today (well, there's really just 2 times a year like today, but ya know what I mean...) - I got to see Mark, I got to hear his voice, I got to tell him that I love him and hear him say it to me. I got to watch his mom cry because of how proud she is, and was actually quite surprised by my lack of emotion. And then I left the house.

It's funny how things change when you're by yourself and you can think and feel without anyone else around to make you feel "judged" or self conscious. Not that anyone in Mark's family would've made me feel that way (well, maybe Bret, but I really don't care that much what he thinks :P), it's just my built-in being... It's who I am. I DO NOT show the crying kind of emotion around anyone - I save that for when I'm by myself. And today was no exception.

I drove away, and instantly the loneliness set in. The feelings of inadequacy, the fear of getting hurt or being the one to cause hurt - It's all incredibly real when the person you love the most in this world is away from you for long enough, even when he's telling you that you mean the world to him in his weekly emails. Sometimes I hate being a girl, and it's times like these that I REALLY do. I drove to a special place where we liked to go to be alone and talk, and just listened over and over to my new favorite "Mark" song, Katy Perry's "Unconditionally" - It's great for anyone needing a love song :) I was feeling very picked on and "poor me" as I headed to a family party. Luckily, where family is and where there is time to not be alone, there also can help for stupid feelings be found. And I found it.

Between arriving and driving home, I realized what I had figured out this last spring... That I'm going to be a lot happier if I do something nice for someone else every time I start to feel sorry for myself. I came home and went to work. I still miss Mark - That will NEVER change, I swear - but what happens and is the great thing is that, at least for a few hours, I stop feeling sorry for myself. And I feel like that's what service is all about... Getting over yourself. Because guess what, it's not always about me, or you, or any of the crappiness that's going on in our lives. It's about figuring out how we can help those around us. I'm the first to admit that I'm not the greatest at this special gift from God, but I'm trying to be better, and Mark serving his mission only forces me to work harder at this gift.

So as I said... There are many things to be thankful for this holiday season, and although I am sincerely grateful for all of them, I am most grateful for Mark and what this time apart is teaching me. I've always figured I'm a pretty patient person, but God keeps showing me that I'm not. But alas, Mark is just about 2 1/2 minutes down, 2 1/2 minutes to go. I can do it, with God and Christ and a lot of family at my side!

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!