Grateful This Christmas Season

It's Christmas today, and there are many things to be grateful for... It's the celebration of Christ's birth, I don't have to teach for 10 days, I don't have any Master's homework for 2 weeks, there's a tiny break in basketball that gives me a few days to literally do WHATEVER I WANT!!! I'm together with my family, I get to think of fun presents to give to my family members (my mom's present is my favorite... I can't wait for her to open it!!!), my extended family is loud and so much fun... It's definitely a fun time of year. But this year there is even more...

My youngest brother has been on a mission in Uruguay for the last 2 years, and he's coming home this Saturday. I put up a rough front about waiting for him, but we'll be celebrating Christmas next Monday after he's come home and we've had a chance to get through his homecoming and such. I'm extremely grateful for him to finally be coming home... It feels like he's been gone for FOREVER!!! It will be fun to have the family all together again.

However, this holiday season is also another mark (haha, no pun intended) for a special missionary in my life... Mark has been gone for almost a year (January 16...)!!!!!! It's funny... I get in the swing of life, and everything just goes "normally" - thinking about Mark at night, and sometimes during the day, but just kinda trying to stay on top of everything else throughout the rest of the day keeps me preoccupied. THEN there are days like today (well, there's really just 2 times a year like today, but ya know what I mean...) - I got to see Mark, I got to hear his voice, I got to tell him that I love him and hear him say it to me. I got to watch his mom cry because of how proud she is, and was actually quite surprised by my lack of emotion. And then I left the house.

It's funny how things change when you're by yourself and you can think and feel without anyone else around to make you feel "judged" or self conscious. Not that anyone in Mark's family would've made me feel that way (well, maybe Bret, but I really don't care that much what he thinks :P), it's just my built-in being... It's who I am. I DO NOT show the crying kind of emotion around anyone - I save that for when I'm by myself. And today was no exception.

I drove away, and instantly the loneliness set in. The feelings of inadequacy, the fear of getting hurt or being the one to cause hurt - It's all incredibly real when the person you love the most in this world is away from you for long enough, even when he's telling you that you mean the world to him in his weekly emails. Sometimes I hate being a girl, and it's times like these that I REALLY do. I drove to a special place where we liked to go to be alone and talk, and just listened over and over to my new favorite "Mark" song, Katy Perry's "Unconditionally" - It's great for anyone needing a love song :) I was feeling very picked on and "poor me" as I headed to a family party. Luckily, where family is and where there is time to not be alone, there also can help for stupid feelings be found. And I found it.

Between arriving and driving home, I realized what I had figured out this last spring... That I'm going to be a lot happier if I do something nice for someone else every time I start to feel sorry for myself. I came home and went to work. I still miss Mark - That will NEVER change, I swear - but what happens and is the great thing is that, at least for a few hours, I stop feeling sorry for myself. And I feel like that's what service is all about... Getting over yourself. Because guess what, it's not always about me, or you, or any of the crappiness that's going on in our lives. It's about figuring out how we can help those around us. I'm the first to admit that I'm not the greatest at this special gift from God, but I'm trying to be better, and Mark serving his mission only forces me to work harder at this gift.

So as I said... There are many things to be thankful for this holiday season, and although I am sincerely grateful for all of them, I am most grateful for Mark and what this time apart is teaching me. I've always figured I'm a pretty patient person, but God keeps showing me that I'm not. But alas, Mark is just about 2 1/2 minutes down, 2 1/2 minutes to go. I can do it, with God and Christ and a lot of family at my side!

Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year!

One year... Woot Woot!

A year ago yesterday was the beginning of an amazing journey. It was full of decisions (some small, then others quite a bit bigger), started as attraction and intrigue that turned into love, and continued with sacrifice, praying that the future would only be brighter if we followed His Will. A year ago yesterday was my first date with Mark.

It's been nearly 6 months since Mark left on his mission, and I can honestly say that it's probably been the hardest 6 months of my life. Luckily, I've made good friends and found enough things to keep me busy in order to help the time pass quicker. As time has passed, I've also seen the blessings that have come from the sacrifice that Mark and I have made to be apart for 2 years. His example has helped me immensely in striving to improve myself to be the best that I can be while he's gone, and hopefully that will only continue once he comes home.

I was out running yesterday, and this song came on. I've never noticed it before, I just enjoy running to Yellowcard because their songs are so upbeat. I sort of listened as I was running, but once it was over I repeated it... then repeated it again... then ran faster as I kept repeating it. It seemed like the perfect song to celebrate this momentous day (I've never been in a relationship longer than... What, 3 months was the longest? Of course we were each out of the country for most of that, so I don't really count it as that long...).

Mark... This one is for you! I'm proud beyond belief of everything you have and will accomplish! Aku mencintai kamu, Kekasihku!

1 year older and... Wiser?

I'm back! Don't be too excited. Well, ok, you can be. I know my posts are so well written that people have been wondering for almost a year what I chose to do with my life! Let's sum it up in a quick sentence... I decided Texas wasn't for me, got a call that same day for an interview at Central Davis Jr High the next day, got the job, accepted it (they said I could stay on at Davis High... So nice!), hung around for a month trying to have fun, planned a trip to Puerto Rico, met the man of my dreams, started teaching, started coaching, and now the man of my dreams has left for 24 months. That last one is pretty bitter-sweet. The man of my dreams has left me for a short season to serve God. Don't worry, he did it with my (strong) encouragement. But who thought it would be as hard as it's been? Not me. But I think of the end result, and I know it's what we were supposed to do.

I'm so proud of Elder Wahlen and what he is doing! He is truly of the elect of the Lord, and I have been privileged to become apart of his life. Anyone who knows Mark knows what kind of missionary he is, and the kinds of influences he'll have on those he serves because they have experienced it themselves. Georgia is lucky to have him!

Texas vs. Utah

I got a call on Friday from the HR guy from the Ector County District in Texas (the Odessa/Midland area) telling me that he was going to send me a Letter of Intent for me to come teach and coach in his district. It was the answer to a lot of prayers that I've been saying lately ... But then I got to thinking, is that really where I'm supposed to be? I thought that going to Texas would be a great experience for me, especially since I'm still young and have nothing really holding me back here in Utah. Texas pays teachers about $12,000 more per year, and they pay coaches over twice as much as Utah. I really don't know why I have this sudden interest in Texas, I only know that when I talked to the 2 HR people from this district, I felt completely comfortable, and got really excited at the thought of going somewhere new to experience life outside of my comfort zone. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAnd now it's 2 months later, and I'm finding that this opportunity has a lot of negatives to it. Odessa is REALLY far from my family and friends. All the effort that I've been putting into the basketball team at Davis High will almost feel all for nothing if I'm not there to celebrate with my girls. Connections that I've made in the Davis School District, South Davis Rec Center, and other places/people in Utah won't do me much good clear down in Texas. Who knows how many single LDS people will be in Odessa ... Since I WOULD like to get married eventually. But on the flip side, I can meet new people and make new connections down in Odessa, I can make more money doing what I love, I can have a great new experience in a place that not many people have been, and I have the possibility of finding a Texas cowboy :P haha. I really have no idea what I'm going to do yet ... I'll be fasting and praying a lot this month, and I know Heavenly Father will help me know what road will be the best one for me, but of course I'm still stressing and freaking out about making sure that what I do really is what Heavenly Father wants me to do. So, now I'm asking for your opinion ... Give me any of your yays or nays for why I should go to Texas or why I should stay home so that I can add them to my growing lists :)

It's that easy?

So... Graduation. Yup. I'm graduated :) It's official... I'm supposed to be an adult now.

I decided not to walk this final time, mostly because I'm too lazy to sit through all the other people graduating. All I need is the diploma and teaching certificate, and I'm happy. It ended up working out for the better. My family is going on a trip to Carter's mission the same day, so that's where I'll be during commencement :)

Looking for jobs has been a lot more stressful and widespread than I'd ever imagined it'd be. I've known for a few months now that maybe I wouldn't stay at Davis High, but my thoughts were pretty constant on Alaska or Indonesia. However, last month I talked to some HR people from a district down in Texas, and now I can't keep that out of my head.

I don't know why Utah isn't appealing to me like I wish it would... There are so many reasons to stay. My friends, family, current jobs... But something is lacking here. Or maybe I need to get away from something? I don't really know. I just know that I had similar feelings after I got my mission call, and that was by far the best decision I ever made for myself.

Who knows... I'm so confused on life right now that sometimes it hurts me inside. Some days I wish something would come along to keep me in Utah, but other days all I want is to head straight down to Texas. Any thoughts?

Life is BUSY!!!

School. Student teaching. Coaching. Other jobs. Trying to keep a social life (my mom keeps hoping I'll find that special someone... haha.). Busy, busy, busy. Life really has been so crazy the last few months, but it's also been incredibly fulfilling for me.

School is almost done... Like, until forever. As we say in Indonesia, ALHAMDULILAH! Or, as we say in Christianity, HALLELUJAH! It is going to be a blessed day :)

Student teaching has been a lot of fun for me, and like every other teaching position I've ever held in my life, it has just shown me again and again how right teaching is for me. I feel so blessed to have known since a young age what I wanted to do with my life, and then to have the help of Heavenly Father to help me pass all my classes (I still know I had TONS of help from the Big Guy upstairs in some of those math classes...), there is really nothing more that I could ask for in my life. The kids in my classes are great, and I've even found that I enjoy junior high A LOT more than I would've ever thought I would. The kids can get annoying, and yes sometimes they even have issues that I can't stand, but holy cow, they are SOOOOO funny! They are just so fun, and at least some of them think that I'm cool enough just because I'm young and like to play games :P

My coaching life is constantly going... Although right now I'm in a nice little "off-time" while I wait for the moratorium season to end so I can continue coaching the high school girls. I really just LOVE LOVE LOVE coaching. There is nothing better than having that type of interaction with kids who have the same passion as me. I LOVE being able to help them become smarter and more fundamentally set players. I cannot even begin to describe how much I love coaching. There is nothing in this world that has ever brought me more joy than playing the sport I love while interacting with others who love it just as much as I do :) I can't wait to get back into the gym here in a few weeks!

My other jobs are nothing special ... I just keep on scorekeeping and translating. Nothing that brings in a ton of money, but it brings in enough for me to eat and pay for gas.

And then the social life... Holy cow. What a lovely thing, right? I remember a day when I had something going on every night of the weekend (including Sundays), and was constantly playing with the friends. But now that I'm in Bountiful, it's been hard for me to find any groups or people that I can count on to hang out with. It's gotten a lot better the last few months, but some weekends I hardly even leave my house. Sometimes I wish I had a group of friends like I used to, but then again... I might be better off this way, because whenever I do hang out, it's always with new people, so I constantly get to know different people. Just keep trying til you find the right match, right? Well... At least that's what I hear.

All in all, life is good. I'm completely happy with where my career is going, and although I know I have a lot of things to work on in my life, I feel like I'm doing the best that I can with what I've got. Life is full of chocolates right now :)

My Utah Jazz

So I missed 2 basketball seasons while I was in Indonesia, and that was kind of hard for me. Luckily, my dad gave me lot's of updates on my team back here in Utah so that most of the names were not completely foreign to me (although the faces have been...) right before coming home.

However, there were a few changes that occurred to the team that I loved so much in the 2 seasons I missed. First and foremost, my Matty (Matt Harpring), whose jersey I would always wear on game days (whose jersey should I get next? Ya, I dunno either... Still waiting to see if Millsap stays around) retired from the NBA. After that, the news from my dad was just the normal ups and downs of the season. And the next season was a lot the same. And then, literally THE MONTH before I came home (I was SOOO excited to come home and watch my team play again!), all hell broke loose at the ESA, and each week, the news i got was worse and worse. First, Boozer was traded (but I wasn't that sad... I always thought he was a waste of money cuz of his inconsistency). Other items of business I heard about were Kirilenko and Kyle Korver. The biggest slap in the face, however, was Sloan retiring. I remember talking to one of my basketball friends in Indonesia (I practiced with teams in my last 2 areas, and the guys always loved talking NBA with me), and he was telling me about Sloan. I literally burst out crying, "What is going on in Utah? The only people left of my old team are Millsap and Williams!" Weeeeeeeeelllllllllllllll..... I shouldn't have spoken too soon. The next week, I came to practice and the same kid told me about Willams being traded. My heart literally sank, and I had no idea what I would be coming home to! Ugh, I was NOT happy.

Now I'm sitting at home watching my second game of the season... the Jazz are at the Nuggets, and THANK HEAVENS they're playing better, but last nights game was utter humiliation. It's still the first quarter though... We'll see what happens tonight. I just miss my old Jazz team... The team that I watched from the nosebleed section and my friends' couches. But......... Those days are as over as the Stockton to Malone days, so I should probably stop complaining and just keep on cheering my team on. So....

GO JAZZ!