Well, the decision has been made, and I now feel like I am being forced to find a new route for my life on my own. It's not the direction I wanted to go, but it's the direction I felt I was being pushed from many different angles towards, so here I am.
Words cannot describe the sadness, hopelessness, desperation, and loneliness I have felt over the last several months. I have searched and searched for internal peace, but even now, after making what seemed like the necessary decision, I have a hard time finding it. I know God has a plan for me, and I am becoming more and more open to that plan with every passing day, but it has been VERY difficult to do without the constant peace that usually comes to me after making a right decision.
However, what I do know is that I have righteous desires in my heart for what I want in my life, and I have lived, and will continue to live, worthy to receive those blessings. I know God will see fit to give me what He thinks is best in His own due time, and that I just need to be patient and get rid of the time table that I had set for myself 2 1/2 years ago.
I also have a better understanding of what I need in an eligible husband - Someone who will love and cherish me, while still balancing the other activities going on in his life. I need someone who will be there for me, and let me be there for him when he needs it. I need someone who will let me be included in his service opportunities so that we can grow stronger TOGETHER in our love for the Savior. I need someone who will want to go to the temple, read scriptures, and pray with me. And I will need someone who will see past all of my faults, and see the person that I am trying to become. But the number one thing is that he will WANT to spend quality time with me every chance he gets.
If nothing else, these have been eye-opening experiences for me, and I'm just so grateful for all of the friends and family who have tried so hard to be there for me, as a listening ear or just support for me to lean on during these times of trial. I hope I can be there for you during your difficult times as well.
Now, to end all of this talk and move forward in my life, I have my new favorite song that I know describes how the next several months of my life will be - Because 3 years is a long time to move forward from... But I'm sure it can happen :)
But to end on a happier note, this is what I look forward to having in the future! :)
So, to my future husband, I'm excited to meet and get to know you! Hopefully sooner than later :)
